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illkim:

*squats down to look in the refrigerator* fitness

(via quakaoats)

lzbth:

swag won’t pay the bills but apparently neither will your degree

(via quakaoats)

justacoffeeshop:

doctor, I can’t stop singing what’s new pussycat

sounds like you have tom jones disease

is it rare?

it’s not unusual

(via quakaoats)

daeneryus:

hot things to say during sex:

  • aw man i shot marvin in the face
  • silly caucasian girl likes to play with samurai swords
  • you got two jobs; kiss good, and make sure my hair don’t get wet
  • the d is silent
  • [faking Italian with a southern accent] bon jorno
  • BECAUSE IT’S SO MUCH FUN JAN

(via clockwork1971)

porrimscondomstash:

When you fuck something up first thing in the morning

image

(via perpetualvelocity)

  • shrek one: bad
  • shrek two: the funniest movie i have ever seen. literally one of the funniest comedies of all time. incredible pacing and dialogue. reference jokes that were actually funny. surreal world that was so modern fantasy it actually worked. rocking score. awesome scene set to "i need a hero" being sung by the villain unironically and completely played straight. a bar of villains. just overall the best concepts ever.
  • shrek three: bad
  • shrek four: bad